Vatercar

A terrible new company called Aptera is making life harder for all of us. Yes, they really are. As a matter of fact they are doing one of the most dastardly deeds any company can do, they are undermining our excuses not to buy the things they make. Such forward and grotesque marketing techniques, namely making products that we should all actually buy simply make life unbearable at times.

So what does Aptera make? They make cars, but not just any cars, two cars. They will soon be releasing their two initial offerings to the automotive market: the "Typ-1 e", an all electric vehicle targeted for release next year, and the "Typ-1 h", a hybrid version of the same vehicle with a proposed 2009 release.

The word hybrid has become quite a buzz-word these days, and a lot of people have been very disappointed with the performance of their fancy new gadget-cars. According to wired.com's John Gartner:

In Consumer Reports' real-world driving test, the Civic Hybrid averaged 26 mpg in the city, while the Toyota Prius averaged 35 mpg, much less than their respective EPA estimates of 47 and 60 mpg.

So what is so different about Aptera's hybrid that it is worth blogging (and believe me when I say I am not the only person blogging Aptera!)? Well it could be that Aptera's hybrid claims an impressive 300mpg, or it could be that the Typ-1 h will be offered for under $30,000, or it could be that for that rather ordinary car-price of 30 grand you get a car that looks extraordinarily like something out of the jetsons. Whatever it is, the Typ-1 h is making quite a splash.. but not quite as big as the Typ-1 e.

Why don't we all buy electric cars?

• The range is far too short.
• The price is far too high.
• The speed is far too slow.
• The chances of killing a blind person are far too high.

All fine reasons to not buy Aptera's new Typ-1 e... and then their dastardly marketing ploys kick in.

• The Aptera Typ-1 e has a range of approximately 120 miles; Plenty for a commuter car.
• The Aptera Typ-1 e will be sold at prices of $30,000 and below.
• The Aptera Typ-1 e will have a top speed over 85 mph and will achieve 0-60 in under 10 seconds.
• The Aptera Typ-1 e will be followed on the streets by a constant "oo" of impressed onlookers. The blind will know you are coming.

Oh but we aren't done yet my friends. They keep going!

The Aptera Typ-1 e/h, due to its 3 wheeled design and wheel placement, is technically considered a motorcycle... that means single occupancy HOV lane usage! I told you this thing was a commuter.

A typical charge of the Type-1 e will take 2-4 hours, and based on current California energy prices will cost between 1 and 2 dollars...

Now just make that energy wave powered and you really are quite good to go.

Additional Video: http://www.popularmechanics.com/automotive/new_cars/4237853.html?page=1

The Governator Conquers the Oceans

...Actually, wave power by Finavera makes a device called an Aquabuoy, that is connected to a long underwater piston. The buoy bobs up and down on the waves, then it pushes the piston, which pressurizes a chamber filled with seawater.

Somehow all of this makes electricity. Not only that, just one Aquabuoy is capable of generating 250 kilowatts, which is enough to power 80 homes. The best part is it can also save us a lot of money in the longrun.

So far, wave power has only been experimental phase. After all, wind and sun power is pretty fickle, but some things in life are as inevitable as the tide.

Oh, that was pretty bad. Did I just say that? Well, there is a need for renewable power, so this is right up anyone’s alley.

Pretty sweet, no?

CrunchGear » Archive » The Pencil Bench office furniture: 1,600 pencils, 1 bench

Who, growing up, didn’t want a bench made entirely out of 1,600 pink pencils? Thankfully, Boex 3D Creative Solutions went ahead and developed exactly that. Its name isn’t too imaginative—Pencil Bench—but it was borne out of a silly, “wouldn’t it be, like, great to make a piece of furniture out of everyday objects?”It would, and it is. For $2,450 even.

CrunchGear » Archive » The Pencil Bench office furniture: 1,600 pencils, 1 bench


Goodness gracious folks.

I sat browsing my RSS feeds, and I was beginning to think that nothing would strike me as funny enough to be worth blogging. Then I came across this pink wonder of invention.

The folks over at Boex 3D Creative Solutions call this monstrosity "Pencil Bench", which really doesn't make a lot of sense to me... I just really don't understand why you would call it that. Perhaps in Europe, where a game played with your feet is called football I could understand calling a bench made up of 1,600 fully removable and usable pencils a "Pencil Bench", but here in America I find it quite inappropriate. It grates against the norm, and so, like all unpleasant things, I will ignore it.

Now it falls on us, friends, to name this fusion of art and bench. But what name fits? Well this is a name made for Americans, who are generally accepted to be large. And those that use this bench will be placing their rears on 1,600 erasers.... oh the implications of that...

Let's call it Garlpit.

We are Americans after all.

Corneary Confusion

I've already explained this to my one and only confirmed reader, but perhaps in the future someone else will read my ramblings and wonder, "Ted, what in the world is a Corneary Celebration?" or perhaps it is, "Ted, what on earth is a Corneary Feast?"

But, of course, you know what delight means, and you know what feast means, so your true question is what does "corneary" mean?

The answer is that, technically, corneary does not mean anything. I thought it was a great word but apparently I am the first one to think up this wonder of literary invention, as a quick google search showed.

And so, without further ado, I now define a brand new word within the English language. This word received its debut in my last blog post, but now it must be, and it will be, defined.

Let us study the word "corneary". It has two main parts.

1. Cornea


2. ry

Well we know what a cornea is. It's a piece of transparent skin on your eye, or as davidorf.com tells us,

The outer, dome-shaped, transparent part of the eye that bulges out at the front of the eyeball and covers the iris and pupil. Its curvature causes light to bend. The cornea provides most of the eye’s focusing power.

Brilliant. I couldn't've said it better, which is why I quoted them!

Now we know what the first part of the word means, but what about "ry"? Well, ry makes a word in to an adjective! (Merry, Hairy, Weary, etc.) and so when we put the two together... we get...

Corneary - adj. - Of or relating to the cornea.

Brilliant.

Don't you feel smarter already?

Hillarity Ensues

iflickr
Originally uploaded by t.adams88

I had to give an honorable mention to the shenanigans of my good friend Jon. Yes both of our names are single syllabic and triple lettered. I believe it truly adds another depth to our friendship that we both know what it is like to have such a name. Bob, Sue, Tom, Max and all the rest of my kind, my people, understand. The rest of you just can't possibly understand what it's like... but I digress.

Jon was in charge of decorating his house this year, and put up all of his family's lights; but something was missing. The decorations were not complete. His mother thought it needed another strand of lights, and asked him to go get some. But Jon knew better friends! Jon knew that a strand of lights would not be enough to complete the decorations for his home. He knew that one puny strand of lights did not, and would never have what it would take to take his home from "decorated" to a masterpiece of Christmas spirit, a corneary celebration of all that is embodied by this holiday, a home that would bring tears to the eyes of Mary herself in all of its splendor.

No, friends. A strand of Christmas lights just would not do. It would not do at all. This home needed something bigger, something grander... it needed a giant inflatable Santa with his inflatable Penguin sidekick. Yes! Finally the answer to the puzzle presents itself. Of course! Nothing else could fill such a hefty bill as the transformation of this home to completion. Nothing! And Jon, as are most of my single-syllabic-triple-lettered brothers, is a man of action. Action was required and action was taken. The opportunity presented itself as a holiday, nay, a Christmas Party! (Yes I said it liberals!) at which Jon's parents were guests. As soon as they left home for the party Jon sped to the nearest Home Depot (And he does have a quite speedy car so I make no boast) and picked up one (1) giant lit up inflatable Santa and one (1) less giant but still magnificent lit up inflatable penguin.

Let me tell you friends, once Santa's straps were adjusted so he didn't look like he had received a blow to the restricted area, and once Penguin had been restored to his lofty height after a failed suicide jump attempt (Yes friends, there was a penguin down... but now he is up!) the house was complete.

A corneary feast my friends.

A corneary feast.

Christmas at last.

Bubba Bubbles: A Perfect Beginning

Bubba Bubbles: A Perfect Beginning

This is truly a test of the fancy "LinkBack" technology. But this is a wonderful post. I had the same thoughts. Snow on December 1st! Who would've thunkit.

Dumbo the Cruiser

Behold, the Victory Vision Tour in all of its splendor!

My father and I held a long and heated 2 second discussion and came to the conclusion that this is, in fact, the ugliest motorcycle we have ever seen.

I went so far as to christen this monstrosity Dumbo. "Why?" you may ask. Well, as the above picture shows, this bike has monstrous ears sticking out of its headlight that they are trying to pass off as turn signals. Turn Signals! I'm not fooled, friends! I recognize Dumbo ears when I see them. You can see that pitiable itching of a ridiculously heavy animal that wishes it could fly. It sticks out its ears as far as it can and just... can't... do it!

Well poor little Vision Tour there is good news. If the rest of the motorcycle buying community has any sense of style your pitiable life will not last long.

Victory is trying to tear some market share away from the big boys.. but they're going to have to do better than this.

Much, much better.

Welcome to My Mind

As I sat writing an e-mail rant about some subject or other it occurred to me that I write a lot of e-mail rants. It also occurred to me that my e-mail rants look a lot like blog posts.

And so, following the brave precedent set by both of my older sisters, I begin my blog.

This blog is intended to be exactly what it says it is, The Thoughts of a Ted. I am a Ted, and if you chose to do so you can follow some of my thoughts. Whither my thoughts will wander I know not, but perhaps they will be better for the writing, and perhaps you will be better for the reading.

Mutually beneficial relationships really are the best you know.